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As an expat, you’ll get away with standing up to them, and using a little humor always goes down well. If you’re from London, and a Dutch woman tells you the name of what she says is THE coolest club in the city, don’t politely point out to her that the place she’s referring to has been closed down for several years, and is in fact used as an old peoples home. Dutch women, are used to dating Dutch men, whose deep and passionate love of money is legendary.A key thing I’ve learned about Dutch women is that they’re always right. I was watching the Dutch news earlier this week where an entire town will be without gas for the next few days.

Spaarzegels can be bought for 0.10 cents a time with each purchase at Albert Heijn.

Now this post might upset some, and if as a result I’m grabbed by a group of angry Dutch women, and am taken to my own personal hell, the drie dwaze dagen sale at de Bijenkorf, and am forced to carry their bags while they scream at me “IK ZEG SKINNY JEANS, DIT IS EEN BOOTCUT JIJ IDIOOT.” I’ll say to my enemies, “no need to be so aggressive, I was just telling it like it is.”The things I do for my readers!

As Grandmaster Flash once said in the song White Lines, ‘don’t, don’t, don’t do it! Even after 10 years in the land of deep fried cuisine, I still can’t break the habit of opening doors for women.

If several men are together, Dutch women, through a series of shouting, rudeness, and intimidation, will eventually home in on the man most likely to carry their shopping bags for them at Albert Heijn in the near future.

They’ll persist until their chosen victim has turned into a lump of quivering jelly.

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